Happy Mother’s Day

A reflection, an homage, and a remembrance

I had every intention of writing a political piece this morning. Providing some news updates about the state of affairs.

I had started researching immigration policies, revisiting the past. I’ve been keeping an eye on the sky, to inform us and situate us in the current context, tracking planetary cycles throughout history and how that has manifested on the ground. History. One of our greatest professors.

Alas, I forgot that it was Mother’s Day.

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I can’t remember which year Mother’s Day fell off my radar.

The year my mom died, that Mother’s Day was a painful reminder of her absence. I spent the day leading up to it, and the days surrounding it crying.

Grief is funny in that way. Sometimes the anticipation and preparation for how you’re gonna feel is enough to numb the feeling itself.

The next year, 2021, I had my school graduation, where I spoke on the trials and tribulations we collectively had faced thru grief. How we “embraced the suck.” Not knowing then, just how much of that built muscle, that resilience, we would need today.

COVID was our silent teacher, that things can be rough, and also we can turn poison into vinegar, using our situation to learn, educate, and recognize what COVID laid bare as a society.

Now, we are here, and resilience is absolutely critical for the challenges that lie ahead.

The year after that, I was in my second grad program, and I believe that I was still in school taking exams. It was an easy holiday to forget when the looming pressure of finishing school takes precedence over everything.

I’m sure I took my journal to the pond nearby where I often sought comfort and solitude. I’m not sure what else happened.

the pond

Last year I was in Texas for a friend’s wedding. I woke up on Mother’s Day with the shakes, a cold, and a heavy chest. I spent the entire day in bed, recovering from my physical illness, burying my grief, ignoring the day entirely.

I’m not even sure I knew it was Mother’s Day, until I opened my instagram that morning, seeing the many mother-daughter posts of memories fresh made.

A painful reminder that my last opportunity to make memories with her had passed years ago.

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For as much as Mother’s Day has decreased in significance or even awareness for me, its presence has grown for those around me. I have many close friends who are celebrating their first, second, even third Mother’s Days.

I have a stepmom now, who my dad lovingly celebrates on Mother’s Day, and we do the same.

Every year on Mother’s Day I think about how I should have sent my grandmother: my namesake, my mom’s mom, flowers for the occasion. Every year I forget. (Sorry Mimi, I love you!)

One of my sisters is a long-time cat mom with her roommate. This will be her last year with the cat, as she seeks more distant horizons.

My other sister is a new dog mom, having parented two new puppies in the last year. It’s a great thing she doesn’t actually need sleep the way a normal human does.

Then there are my friends who have been thrust into grief. The ones who are spending their first holiday without their moms. Coping with a hole that feels immeasurable. There are those friends who may be unknowingly spending their last Mother’s Day with their mom.

There are those mothers who are being ripped away from their children, under the guise of protection. There are those moms who, left to their own devices, can’t afford to raise their kids, so they seek out a kind stranger for the job. I wonder how they feel on Mother’s Day.

There are those grieving the relationship they have with their moms even though both people are alive. The desire of a maternal bond never having quite been fulfilled. Or never within reach.

There are those who want desperately to be a mom, battling their bodies. For some, the goal is within reach. For others, the uncertainty is too much to bear, but the wound is flaring on a day like today.

There are those who struggle with the idea of being a mom, some grieving or being reminded of their choice annually.

There are those carrying who will celebrate their first Mother’s Day a year from today. And those trying who don’t know it, but they too will be celebrating motherhood next year.

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The history of Mother’s Day might surprise you.

The first idea of Mother’s Day arose after the Civil War, during the Franco-Prussian War. Julia Howe, famous for authoring the Civil War’s Battle Hymn for the Republic, issued a Mother’s Day Proclamation arguing for an international congress of women designed to promote peace around the world.

While those efforts failed, she was briefly successful in organizing an annual Mother’s Day for Peace. The day was celebrated for a while, in a few places, though ultimately never caught wind.

At the same time, Ann Jarvis was organizing “Mother’s Work Days.” She had lost many children to hygiene-related diseases at the time, such as diphtheria. To ensure other mothers did not face the tragedies she had, she organized Mother’s Work Days as part of a national public health movement to help improve local environmental conditions & neighborhoods’ understanding of hygiene.

During the Civil War, she transitioned her efforts into promoting peace and unity, establishing Mother’s Friendship Day in 1868, to bring families from both sides of the war together.

After her death, her daughter Anna established Mother’s Day as a holiday to honor and celebrate one’s mom. The day she chose was the second Sunday in May, the day of her mother’s death. In 1905, the first Sunday Mother’s Day Service was held to honor all mothers, living or passed.

In 1914, President Woodrow Wilson issued the first proclamation of Mother’s Day.

Anna had envisioned the day to be a holy one, celebrated in honor of mothers. She soon became disenchanted with the commercialization of the holiday—the excessive greeting cards and the flowers. In 1943, she petitioned to have the holiday recalled. But, as we know, she was unsuccessful.

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As we celebrate or mourn Mother’s Day, let us not forget its initial intent.

To leverage the emotional intelligence and diplomatic skills of women to achieve some semblance of international, and domestic, peace.

In our world today, this goal seems so far off.

But, if we strive to recognize the humanity, the good in each other, rather than focusing on the bad, the different, perhaps we are closer than we think.

So, here’s to all the mothers, living or dead.

Special shout out to my mom, my step mom, my grandmothers, my pet moms, my friends who have become moms, and my friends who are becoming moms.

And special shout out to all you Smartt Takers out there who are celebrating Mother’s Day, honoring your moms or you as a mom.

I love you all.

Happy Mother’s Day.