Year Four
Today marks the fourth year since my mom's sudden death. I wrote about grief, loss, and all of my feelings.
I never know how Iām going to feel when September 18 rolls around. Grief is a funny thing. Sometimes, anticipation of the day can be far more destabilizing than the emotions of the day itself. Other times, feeling aided by time lapsed and that same anticipation, you think youāre prepared for the experience, only to feel your heart breaking all over again. Transported right back to the day that everything changed.
Since I never know how Iām going to feel, I decided to take a personal day today. Today, I feel numbed and in shock. Not only do I not want to work, but I donāt want to speak. I donāt want to read and I donāt want to think. I just want to be left alone to sift through my shocked state and numbed feelings.
Itās been four years since mom died. Hard to believe itās been both that long and that short. My only real time stamp of her passing is that she died never having heard the word, ācoronavirus.ā She missed the absurdity and incredulity of the year 2020. And so on.
She also misā¦
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Smartt Takes: Politics, Policy & Astrology to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.